The weekend started with so much promise, but alas it ended in near tragedy. Trixie, after much persuasion on my part agreed to accompany me on the GVBR. We were sure we could obtain a place for her after viewing all the posts from so-called cyclists claiming their sudden inability to participate. (I suspect the real reason is they haven't put in the same amount of training I have and realise they are horribly underprepared.) Anyway, Trixie was fairly bubbling with excitement as we bolted on the training wheels to the bicycle our dear neighbour, old Mr Pervus, so kindly loaned us. He assured us the bicycle was just like himself - built for comfort, not speed. So we set off and completed a whole two laps of the block and then I foolishly suggested to Trixie that she test the advice given previously of avoiding mouthfuls of insects by riding backwards while playing a violin; trouble was, we didn't have one. That's when Mr Pervus poked his head (or something similar) over the fence and offered his piano accordian. "Nothing like a good squeeze, eh?" he chuckled and gave us both an enigmatic wink. So Trixie sailed off down the street backwards, smiling sweetly as she played the Pushbike Song. Then disaster struck! Like me, Trixie is a well-endowed young lady and as she was reaching the corner she called out that she hadn't swallowed a single gnat or bumblebee when the unthinkable happened - one of her breasts became caught up in the folds of the squeeze box. She let out a shriek of pain and lost control of the bicycle. Believe me it was not a pretty sight. I'm posting this from my laptop as I sit outside the operating theatre, wondering if I'll ever take notice of any more advice given on this forum.