Things you need to know for Around the Bay
1 you will sleep in and be late to the start 2 alarms are good 3 are better.
2 Pre organise your lift to the start with your signifigant other before the ride this will cost you a dinner trust me when you wake them up at 04:00 without prior agreement and go by the way things will not be good
3 If you wear a long jersey it is gong to be hot if you wear a short jersey it will be cold get over it
4 If you are still finding cobwebs on your bike at the start this is an indication that you have not trained enough not a melbourne spider explosion
5 If you ride to fast at the start the ferry will be early to slow and you will be to late it is like the jersey thing which is like sex no one gets it right the first time
6 You can eat and ride fine someone gives you a free gel fine. If you have never had one before now you had better learn to throw up and ride
7 At frankston you will be hassled by boguns they cannot help it as it is genetically ingrained in them to be assholes the tip is to ride through here as smoothly and quietly as possible as their vision is based on movement and the attraction to shiny things (the males like aluminium cans the females cubic zerconias
8 You are not on the pro tour here is a tip instead of thowing your water bottle refill it and drink some more beer stops do not count for your fluid intake.
9 Do not have a sickie on monday after riding with your boss on Sunday and tellimg them how easy it was you can pull a sickie due to an acco but you better have a weeping not yet scbbed over gravel rash to prove it on tuesday
10 Would you walk into a bikeshop and ask for a free spare tube or even a spare derailer (true story) any other day of the week NO so why do it on ATB day bring your wallet you tight arse
11 When you cross the line and do your pro vicrtory salute imitation please do up your jersey so 1 the sponsors logos can be seen and for the rest of us at the spokes bar it makes a bigger target for us to throw empty glasses at
12 After the spokes bar if you get one one side of the bike and fall of the oher or make wild accusations like you might go and do the 1 in 20you have had to much to dring and your cleats will be taken off you for your own safety
Have fun all
Beach Road you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany